Hey guys,
I'd like to share my biggest personal problem with you.
It's not because I'm feeling horrible and wanna share my feelings, it's because there are many helpful people in this case here. I'm looking forward to see your advices.
Lack of self-confidence - that's what I'm worried about.
Please don't take me for an arrogant person, but I'd feel the same way if I were uneducated, impolite, flippant kid, but I'm not! I'm educated enough for my age (19), I'm quite serious etc etc but something's definitely wrong and I can't figure out, what ?!
The only blemish that could be responsible for this kind of problem is that I'm overweight, at least I think so. When you're overweight, you don't look great, you don't feel great, I know this physical blemish of mine is responsible for my lack of self-confidence.
Maybe it's because I love joking ? At least loved. I'm about to drop this, everyone says I have an excellent sense of humor, could this be the cause of my problem ? Nah, I don't think so, what's on your mind ? Can people take you for an upstart person when you are joking ? I don't joke too much, I know where to stop, what to say, what NOT to say.
Why I wrote all this text, what I want to say : It makes my life worse !
I get ignored somehow by friends, classmates (University) etc etc.. They all seem to be serious about me but they don't pay much attention to my words (unless they need me). Sometimes I feel like they don't give a shit about me. Maybe it's because I'm kind ? Maybe it's because I don't ignore anyone and treat everyone like a friend ? I'm not saying I'm an angel, but I don't like to ignore people for no reason (like most people do), I respect every person if he/she's worth it.
Here's what all that causes : I don't have faith in myself (Biggest mistake for a person I think), sometimes I feel I can't do anything properly, I can't succeed in IM either (I have an income, but fuck it, its only $300-400 month when I have knowledge to make that amount daily), when I'm given a good opportunity (let's say IM), I'm getting nervous and lose faith in myself, and that's where I'm destroyed, I don't know why, I've written everything about me, help me figure it out.
Here's what I think : I'm a funny guy who loves to joke, I respect all my friends, I help them anytime, I'm fat, looking not so good, would you look at a guy like me seriously ? I think they feel like "He's a joker, makes me laugh, I'll call him when I need him, he's kind, he won't ignore me", oh, I feel so stupid now, fuck it!
I stopped "being a person who has a great sense of humor" lately, I don't joke, I try to be serious, do they sense my Aura or what?
Even opening this thread makes me lose faith in me, I wanna gain some self-confidence, I know I won't forgive myself for doing such a silly thing, searching for help online, what a stupid acting, right ? I probably should lose weight (it's not so easy though), stop helping everyone, start ignoring some people, treating them like a junk, I know I'll get some respect than, but in a dirty way, world is a mean place.
Hah, I've written too much, I wanna kill myself for this.
If you have some advices, please feel free to post it here, haters, pass by, I don't need posts like "Man, you're a faggot".
I think unless I start believing in myself I ain't gonna reach anything.
Competent people, tell me, what do I have to change in myself, what kind of person would you like to become in my place?
I'd like to share my biggest personal problem with you.
It's not because I'm feeling horrible and wanna share my feelings, it's because there are many helpful people in this case here. I'm looking forward to see your advices.
Lack of self-confidence - that's what I'm worried about.
Please don't take me for an arrogant person, but I'd feel the same way if I were uneducated, impolite, flippant kid, but I'm not! I'm educated enough for my age (19), I'm quite serious etc etc but something's definitely wrong and I can't figure out, what ?!
The only blemish that could be responsible for this kind of problem is that I'm overweight, at least I think so. When you're overweight, you don't look great, you don't feel great, I know this physical blemish of mine is responsible for my lack of self-confidence.
Maybe it's because I love joking ? At least loved. I'm about to drop this, everyone says I have an excellent sense of humor, could this be the cause of my problem ? Nah, I don't think so, what's on your mind ? Can people take you for an upstart person when you are joking ? I don't joke too much, I know where to stop, what to say, what NOT to say.
Why I wrote all this text, what I want to say : It makes my life worse !
I get ignored somehow by friends, classmates (University) etc etc.. They all seem to be serious about me but they don't pay much attention to my words (unless they need me). Sometimes I feel like they don't give a shit about me. Maybe it's because I'm kind ? Maybe it's because I don't ignore anyone and treat everyone like a friend ? I'm not saying I'm an angel, but I don't like to ignore people for no reason (like most people do), I respect every person if he/she's worth it.
Here's what all that causes : I don't have faith in myself (Biggest mistake for a person I think), sometimes I feel I can't do anything properly, I can't succeed in IM either (I have an income, but fuck it, its only $300-400 month when I have knowledge to make that amount daily), when I'm given a good opportunity (let's say IM), I'm getting nervous and lose faith in myself, and that's where I'm destroyed, I don't know why, I've written everything about me, help me figure it out.
Here's what I think : I'm a funny guy who loves to joke, I respect all my friends, I help them anytime, I'm fat, looking not so good, would you look at a guy like me seriously ? I think they feel like "He's a joker, makes me laugh, I'll call him when I need him, he's kind, he won't ignore me", oh, I feel so stupid now, fuck it!
I stopped "being a person who has a great sense of humor" lately, I don't joke, I try to be serious, do they sense my Aura or what?
Even opening this thread makes me lose faith in me, I wanna gain some self-confidence, I know I won't forgive myself for doing such a silly thing, searching for help online, what a stupid acting, right ? I probably should lose weight (it's not so easy though), stop helping everyone, start ignoring some people, treating them like a junk, I know I'll get some respect than, but in a dirty way, world is a mean place.
Hah, I've written too much, I wanna kill myself for this.
If you have some advices, please feel free to post it here, haters, pass by, I don't need posts like "Man, you're a faggot".
I think unless I start believing in myself I ain't gonna reach anything.
Competent people, tell me, what do I have to change in myself, what kind of person would you like to become in my place?